i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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