I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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