Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
