i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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