with your own penis?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
