hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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