You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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