my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
