just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize