How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
