Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
