So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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