So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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