I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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