So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
