I cockslap morals
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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