it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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