do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to calm my uterus...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
