Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
