i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
