i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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