Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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