When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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