I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...