All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.