My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
