hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You are the jesus of drinking
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
