Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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