I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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