i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
