she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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