I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
