i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
