I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
