The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
