this boner is exhausting
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
