I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
