well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
