Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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