Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
