you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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