but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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