after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
