sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
