i just sent this text using only my big toe
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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