She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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