I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
