We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
