'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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