Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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