peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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