You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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