i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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