apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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