Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
