So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
