first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
two words...techno handjob
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
