She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
