Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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